The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
