I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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