She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
