the condom got lost in my hair
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just found a bag of teeth...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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