i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
