I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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