The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
