some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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