so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
