Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is Oprah even human
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
