she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
