u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
