i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize