I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
