There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
