Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
