Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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