I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
