he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
