I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
