Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
