How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
