I am in a vortex of obligation.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
