So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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