ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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