I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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