WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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