Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
