well I can't set my house on fire every night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize