I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
