I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
