I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize