So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
