He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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