Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
