Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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