meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
