Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
