Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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