ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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