just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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