i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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