remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
