The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
