I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
