i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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