so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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