mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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