Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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