Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want to fling myself into the sun
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
