i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
