Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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