I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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