I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
