Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
