Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My vagina just clenched in fear
Couch. On fire.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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