and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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