We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
