Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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