just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
