He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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