I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
