Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Who died my cat blue again?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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