If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
