suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
