My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i need some magic done to my vagina
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
