I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Less talking, more tequila
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
