Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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